WHY aren't you married?

On Friday I was out of work early and went home to have lunch. My roommate is a huge Oprah fan and records everyday so I decided to catch up with the big O. Well, wouldn't you know that the show was called, "30 Somethings and Marriage." Really Oprah? On my summer Friday you decide to discuss this?? I obviously needed a beer. I was hoping for an amazing giveaway episode or something on the new movie, "Mama Mia!" Then it got me to thinking... when I was a little girl growing up in Indiana I always figured when I was 30 I would be married with 2 or 3 kids, living in a fabulous house in the Midwest with the infamous white picket fence, probably a teacher and of course I had the “perfect husband.”

So - I couldn't help but wonder.... when we are growing up why are we taught as kids that this is what we should strive for in life? Is everyone put on this planet to marry and have children? If you are in your late 20s and early 30s why are you "supposed" to be settled down and married? What happened to women and their careers and why is it wrong for women to be "single?" I’ll never forget when a high school friend called me to tell me about her engagement, I was so excited for her! But then came those 5 devil-ish words, “So, why aren’t you married?” Really? I am in the midst of congratulating you and the payback I receive is this annoying question, starting with “WHY.” What answer would you like to hear? Or should I just respond in a way that makes you feel like an idiot. How about…. “What and spoil a great sex life?” I bet this would make her feel a bit uncomfortable so she’d drop the subject!

Why do people never ask a male in their late 20s/early 30s that question? Why is the female always asked? And why is there so much pressure to be married? Is there a time frame in dating when you should be married? And is it acceptable "not" to get married and can you do it all on your own? Since when did doing it all on your own, the education, an amazing job, apt/house, be such a bad thing?

Is it because we all live for that “Cinderella” moment, the white picket fence and are eager at any chance we get? I still want those cosmo girl nights! I am sick and tired of people asking me "WHY?" "Why have you been dating the same guy for going on 6 years and not married?" "If I were in that situation I'd kill myself!" Really? You can't be serious, moron. My friend Jenny and I had the most fun conversation about this sharing hilarious stories from people asking us both the same question since we are in similar situations… We both wanted to say, “Stop. We are fabulous and love our lives.” I love every single part about it, perhaps one day I do want to get married, but why rush it? And why must I explain this to you?

Then there are those people that convince you that something is wrong in your life and that you “should” be married by now. You know, it's so easy to "tell" people what to do - but sometimes you just have to stop and “listen” to others (which isn’t as easy as telling people what to do), we are all pursuing different parts of our lives. Everyone moves at a different pace so you should never judge one another. Life is life (sounds so corny, but true) – live with no regrets - you have to go with the flow and trust your instincts.

So I guess the moral of the story is that expectations are changing. Be who you are as a person, value your true friendships, and be fabulous living a happy life moving at your own pace. Whether single or married it's pretty true that we all desire the same thing in the end, love. Love from your friends, your significant other, your children, your pets… yourself. Oprah said it perfectly when she was concluding the show, “Love the people most important to you and that will continue to be our connection to one another.”

Carrie: "Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you - you love, well, that's just fabulous."