I hate it when ________ happens!

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So, perhaps I’m just not having the ‘Best Week Ever’ or perhaps it’s the simple fact that when I logged onto facebook today I noticed that 399 of my 408 friends have “snow days!!” A snow day? Are we in 5th grade again? They are enjoying themselves doing absolutely nothing in their pajamas while I am slaving away at work. Not to mention that I made the long walk in the snow, sleet, rain just to get here and now look like I just returned from a war zone (guess it was a waste of time to straighten my hair this morning)!! I hate it when that happens. I am so extremely, ridiculously jealous of my friends who are watching reruns of 90210 while lounging on their couches at home. Why does everyone get a snow day but me??? So I thought it would only be appropriate on this day of sorrow (at least for moi) to share with you my top 11

“I hate it when ______ happens” moments….

11. When you are late to work and you hear the train in the station so you run down the stairs and just as you are swiping your metro card you hear that ‘ding ding’ and the doors close. You just missed it! Suddenly then you realize it will be another 10 minutes of waiting. Weekends are especially brutal.

10. When kids go under the subway turnstiles and don’t pay! Then to make matters worse they take the last seat on the train! OR you are expected to get up and give them your seat when you paid your $2!! I can pass for a kid, perhaps I should try this technique…. Jerks! I don’t care if you are 4 years old! Cough up the 2 bucks!! :)

9. When you DVR your favorite tv show and finally sit down to relax and watch it then all of a sudden the recording stops and you miss the last couple minutes! (Needless to say, I’ve had to start recording the show after Gossip Girls to ensure this would never happen again, it’s unacceptable!)

8. When you get to the laundry-mat 2 minutes late and someone is already pulling your clothes out of the dryer whether they are dry or not. Don’t worry I have indeed witnessed 2 extreme fights at Jiffy Jeff’s and it’s not pretty, I just run and hide in a corner not gonna lie. You think the OC Housewives are crazy, that’s nothing! The Queens housewives are vicious (perhaps Bravo should tape them next!).

7. When you are in the airport security line and you happen to choose the line that isn’t moving because no one was prepared. They “forgot” to take their laptops out of their bags, forgot to take their shoes off, forgot that they have to show their boarding passes and just laugh it off…. in no hurry at all. HATE that! Morons.

6. When you finally get enough motivation to hit the gym and then end up waiting 15 minutes for a machine and loose all motivation so you just leave. Well, I did go… that’s gotta count for something, right? What happened to the saying, “It’s the thought that counts.”

5. When guys see the celebrities in the magazines and drool over how ‘hot’ they are but little do they realize these women (well majority) don’t look like that in real life. I mean I wish I was air brushed in every photo (which I do attempt to do with my addiction to spray tanning but c’mon!). I wish I had a makeup artist and hair stylist every morning! Geez!! And furthermore, if I didn’t have to work all day and could afford a trainer I’d be a size 00 too, I mean honestly celebrities really have no reason to be fat at all… I’ll stop myself now, we’ll save that for another blog ;)

4. When someone emails you the dumbest question, for example (work related) when someone asks what the address and phone number is to the hotel where their boss is staying… So I simply reply, “Not sure off the top of my head, but I bet if you google it you can find out!” GRRR…

3. When people sign emails “Happy Monday!” Seriously Sally Jo, there is NOTHING happy about a freaking Monday!! Get to work!

2. When you are feeling GREAT about yourself and decide to go out that night and put on your favorite pair of jeans and they don't fit! So then you proceed to suck everything in by putting on not 1 but 2 pairs of spanx to squeeze it all in – not kidding, I did this Saturday. God bless Spanx. (Good call on this one Michelle!)

1. You wake up hung-over only to check your iphone and realize you have 11 new facebook notifications and apparently you have been drunk messaging on facebook all night long (damnit!!!!!!). As Kristan says, drunk facebook messaging is the new drunk dialing!!

Hope everyone feels my pain and has some hilariously annoying “I hate it when ______ happens” moments to add to my list. And to all of my friends on facebook enjoying your glorious day off, I hope you had a great day and that you had a nice time in your pj’s on the couch catching reruns of 90210…. Perhaps you even found yourself chanting “Donna Martin Graduates…” That’s all I really want… I’m really not a bitter person, I just really want a freakin’ snow day!!!!

I knew I was a "New Yorker" when...

They say that once you live in the “city” for 5 years you can call yourself a “New Yorker.” Until you reach that 5 year mark don’t even try it because someone is sure to knock you off that high pedestal you so proudly put yourself on. It’s an honor to be called a “New Yorker,” the title cannot be thrown around. It’s like when you are rushing to be in that ever so popular sorority your freshman year at college… you want so badly to be apart of that clique and will do anything, but until they say the word you have no shot. You have to work at it to gain THE prestigious title.

Marking my 5 1/2 year anniversary in New York I got to thinking……when did I first know that I was a “New Yorker???”

So... based on my experience living in the city here are my thoughts!

You know you’re a New Yorker when…………………

-Every morning in the Starbucks line you have your $2.11 ready to go for a grande coffee, in & out in a matter of minutes! No chit chat…

-You think that “luxury” living would be my apartment in Queens only with a dishwasher.

-You’ve never been to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade or to see the ball drop on New Years Eve.

-You think it’s totally normal to go through a metal detector prior to entering a nightclub (Thanks Michelle, aww memories!).

-You think $6 for a beer is a bargain.

-You think it’s totally normal to push a cart down the street to go to the laundry-mat or grocery store (I’d love to do that in Indiana, what kind of reaction would I get?? “Are you homeless woman? Get off our streets!”).

-You never ever go to a chain restaurant – you are so above that ;)

-You watch all of the movies and tv shows based in New York and know that it’s just not possible (or believable) for young people to live in Manhattan with a 1000 sq ft apartment working in fashion for $15 an hour without a hefty trust fund. Seriously Michelle said it perfectly about these shows, “Can they be a little more realistic about living in NYC? No one their age really lives that way! Instead of downtown or uptown, they should say, bridge OR tunnel!”

-In the summer you know where every single Tasty Delight in the city is located.

-When the street vendor is trying to sell you a bottle of water for $2 you tell him that you’ll give him $1 and get away with it. Everything on the street is negotiable.

-The kids no longer say “I’m going to Ann’s house” they say “I have a PLAYDATE with Ann”

-You know what a bodega is.

-In the summer time you always have a pair of flip-flops in your purse so you can change out of those high heels. Comfort is key!

-You make more money than anyone back home in the Midwest but you’re still broke!

-You would never dare to make a dinner reservation earlier than 9pm, especially on weekends.

-You ignore a stranger when they ask you for directions and pretend you didn’t hear them and then go the other way fearing for your life.

-You know that Streets and Avenues mean two completely different things.

-You realize that eating a pretzel off the street is totally normal and it’s actually really good.

-You can put your makeup on perfectly on the subway even with the sudden stops.

-You know exactly how to fold your newspaper perfectly in the subway so you aren’t in anyone’s way.

-You never order from pizza hut or from other pizza chains – it’s just not an option.

-Refer to your tennis shoes as “Sneakers.”

-You never get mad when someone is running late to meet for a bite to eat, you just enjoy a glass of wine and relax.

-You can tell by looking at a Louis Vuitton bag if it’s real or not.

-You learned not to buy tickets to events on the street because it’s 90% always a scam and you’ve experienced it 1st hand.

-You don’t smile walking down the streets and never make eye contact with anyone.

-You don’t care if you push, shove or as Susie says “throw bows’” getting on/off the subway. You will do whatever it takes to get on and off that train!

-You check craigs list everyday – who knows who has great furniture they are giving away or what great apartments are now for rent!

-You realize there is no one else running against the democratic candidate and you don’t even question it no matter what.

-You are fine with living in a shoebox apartment and 500 sq feet is considered big.

-You have to go threw 3 doors with dead-bolts to get into your apartment (yep I do!).

-You notice someone getting sick on the train and instead of finding out if he/she is okay you are just so mad that they had to get sick on YOUR train because now you’ll be late for work!!

-If someone is standing too close to you on the subway or accidentally bumps into you – you always grab your purse and check your pockets!

-You are totally fine with finding a random person off of craigslist to be your roommate (yep done that a number of times in the old place, damn actors lol!).

-The guy from the deli gives you a straw with every beverage you buy even if it’s a BEER! (HAHA Thanks Kristan!)

-You refer to NYC as “The City.”

-You never do the touristy things on your own only if your friends are in town and even then you find excuses to bail.

-You go to the store and if you have too much to carry home than you have no problem jumping in a car with a complete stranger standing outside if you give him $10 (Kat and I have done this many times leaving Cosco, eek!).

-You never ever go to Midtown unless it’s for work.

-You think an hour commute to work isn’t that bad at all.

-You own the warmest winter coat imaginable and don’t care about style as long as it is warm and down to the ground.

-You have never been to the top of the empire state building.

-A birthday party in a park is totally normal, just bring a cooler with wine (however Michelle’s mom is so anti… lol laugh every time at that story!).

-You have at least 5 cab horror stories.

-You’d never buy a Broadway ticket for full price.

-You know all of the shortcuts through buildings to get to the next street.

-You have every restaurant that delivers to your apartment programmed in your phone.

-If you’re out to eat and paying cash for your meal you never leave it on the table you hand it to the waiter.

- You answer your emails within 5 minutes and think it’s rude for someone to take a day to write you back.

I saved the best reason for last… I think my 1st friend in New York, Michelle (who is a native New Yorker), said it perfectly when she said “Honestly, I knew you were a new yorker when we went to vegas and you a) pushed a girl who spilled her drink on you and b) stole some poor mid-westerner guys poker chips, cashed it in and ran!” OOPS!!! Well I guess after 5 years and 4 months of living in the city, I can now consider myself a New Yorker! Phew!

How did YOU know you were a New Yorker???